Hi friends! ✨
Welcome and thanks for checking back in on my first series for this substack, “Using the Enneagram practically in your relationships,” where each post I will be writing about a new Enneagram type and how to integrate knowledge of the type into your working and intimate relationships.
Most recently we talked about Type Seven, so naturally this week we will move on to speak about Type Eight, “The Challenger.” Check out The Enneagram Institute or Truity (some of my favorite all encompassing free resources) if you want to go in depth on other aspects of the type.
Type Eight, simply:
Biggest value: Control and independence
Fear related to their value: Being powerless or vulnerable
What’s likely to annoy them: Anyone telling them what to do
A Type Eight is an individual who gives off an aura of strength and impenetrability. An excellent example as of late would be Kate Sharma from Bridgerton. Kate goes to extreme lengths to avoid vulnerability, both physically and emotionally. She desires love but refuses to acknowledge it because it would mean losing her power in an era where most women had very few freedoms, especially in marriage. Kate loves to play coy and stay one step ahead of everyone else around her. She’s competitive and refuses to budge an inch, as seen in her horse race against Anthony Bridgerton as well as the family game of Pall Mall. Eights are often great leaders, and we see Kate take over the family affairs when her father dies, helping to guide her younger sister as well as her mother in many ways. This one is newer, so I don’t want to give any spoilers, but just like an Eight, Kate shuts herself off to losing power and control, and it costs her many things (or does it?)
If you’re a Type Eight or want to learn more about the Eights you love, keep reading.
Type Eight, broken down:
Someone who categorizes as a type 8, which is about 15% of the population, can be described as self-reliant, willful, and commanding.
A Type Eight is an excellent leader and eager competitor. They are not afraid to challenge the status quo and effect change where they see a need to do so. They are in their element when faced with a challenge, but deep down this is due to the fact they are always trying to assure their safety and comfort. Where others might achieve safety by finding shelter, an eight is the person who oversees that shelter being built to ensure it’s exactly how they want it to be done, with certainty there is little risk. While to some a challenger can come off as intimidating or overly persistent, many appreciate and acknowledge the effort it takes to be the person always willing to speak up or be the one to take the first step. This person is headstrong, fiery, and energetic, but they are also deeply concerned with consistency, balance, and stability.
At their healthiest, a Type Eight is willing to place themselves in discomfort for the greater good, possibly being the first to challenge injustice or obstacles in the way of their great vision. They can be an excellent leader instigating change toward a common goal with incredible precision. They will be self reflective and allow themselves vulnerability with those they trust most. They will also listen to feedback without deeming it criticism or shutting down as a result.
When a Type Eight is “unhealthy” they become such a “rugged individualist” that they forget they need others, too. They might become emotionally disconnected from everyone and forget the importance of collaboration. They absorb a great deal of stress with no outlets due to lack of trust or inability to be vulnerable.
Type Eight as a coworker, subordinate, or boss:
When working with a Type Eight, you know this is a person who will make an excellent leader, whether this means they’re heading on a small project or an entire team, they will take their role seriously and carefully. They enjoy challenge and will be hard working at resolving issues or meeting goals.
🤢 Things to avoid: A Type Eight has difficulty with feedback that feels evaluative. It’s important to make feedback clear, concise, and measurable (great advice for feedback with anyone, of course, but especially an 8) — any feedback that feels like a criticism of character or is too vague will backfire or cause them to become less communicative. Type Eights also hate being told what to do, so it is good to give them choices whenever possible. If you are their peer it is best to stick to chain of command on larger issues, do not attempt to control a type 8, especially if you don’t have the rank for it.
🤩 What works: This person appreciates the opportunity to be a leader. Giving them independence or a project to take on will be a satisfying work experience. They also appreciate opportunities to engage in healthy discussions and debates. They are very independent and self sufficient, priding themselves on their ability to be in control. They are passionate, energetic, determined, and organized, and because they are willing to challenge the status quo, they can be a great resource for objectivity when there is not a personal stake. Type Eights are strong advocates for others and very direct communicators.
🤔 What if i’m the Type Eight?: The core emotion for a type 8 is anger, meaning that it is important if you are a type 8 to pay attention to your internal and external reactions to others around you. If you feel angry, step back and afford yourself time to reflect before responding. Drafting and journaling are great resources for you to censor initial responses when you’re particularly passionate (write that email multiple times if you have to, and remember if it is really long, maybe it’s better to pick up the phone). If you are feeling that you’re taking negative emotions home from work, it’s time to search for a way to create boundaries or relieve stress before you become overburdened. You also might be prone to going beyond your limits, learn to allow others to take the lead when you’re wearing too many hats.
Type Eight as an intimate friend or partner:
Loving a Type Eight means you’re one of the lucky few they’ve let in. They love compassionately and they’re very loyal, but because a Type Eight has difficulty with vulnerability and trust, few make it to their inner circle. Because they are fierce visionaries, they may steamroll your desires. It’s important to have clear boundaries not only about how you want to be treated, but also how you believe vulnerability should exist in your relationship.
🤢 Things to avoid: Because trust from a Type Eight is hard to come by, first and foremost do not lie to them or attempt to manipulate them in any way. If they believe they are being controlled or their vulnerability is being taken advantage of, they will frequently cut you off. They are not one to give second chances and are quick to cut ties to protect themselves.
🤩 What works: Clearly communicate because a Type 8 can handle it. They are fine having difficult conversations about needs and frustrations, as long as it isn’t evaluative. State your needs—whether it be how often you would like to see them to how you appreciate being loved— as long as you can be either specific or measurable, they’ll understand where you’re coming from. If you need vulnerability, that might be a specific conversation where you model what that looks like to you. Patience is key when it comes to getting your 8 to come to trust.
🤔 What if i’m the Type Eight?: While you typically are self reliant and do not like to be vulnerable, understand that any close relationship will require a level of self disclosure and vulnerability. Everyone needs someone in their corner, and it needs to be a two way street. While in the work place power may make you feel safe, power in an intimate relationship is ineffective, because you should be equals. This will be a hard thing for you to integrate, but balance is possible. If someone is trying to control you, there’s nothing wrong with stating your boundaries. If someone tells you they need your vulnerability, listen to them. If a person means a great deal to you but you’re having difficulty opening up, it’s okay to state what you are or are not ready for, but remember that shutting down puts you back at square one time and time again. It’s valuable to be in it for the long haul, even if just for a few friends. The best way to maintain control that makes you feel safe while also keeping these relationships is open and clear communication about your needs, both short and long term.
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✨ Have a beautiful week
Until next time,
Cat